Get Out of the Cubicle
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
The Death of the One-Piece
Trends come and go. Some peak quickly and then disappear without so much as a whisper, while others experience a slow and steady rise before plateauing and then slowly fading away into an E! Remember the 90’s TV special. Social science has been plotting the popularity of these trends ever since Renes Descartes “discovered” the Cartesian plain using two sticks and a bucket of sand. While popularity can be measured in a number of ways (consumer sales, Facebook ads, and water-cooler conversation), the litmus test of true popularity is time. Pog sales grossed over a million dollars, and yet today they are useless bits of cardboard. Tickle-Me-Elmo dominated water cooler conversation for a period in 1996 before fading into irrelevancy. Whereas time, well, that’s just about as consistent as my dog’s red-rocket.
Yes my friends, time is the only true barometer of popularity. Anything can be “cool” for a week (just look at Bros Icing Bros). Pure, wholesome popularity is only achieved over time. Which brings me to the death of one of the most popular trends of the modern era: the one-piece bathing suit. Early photographs and etch-a-sketch renditions place the first one-piece bathing suit circa 1920, yet Egyptian hieroglyphics show evidence of the one-piece emerging far earlier. For the purposes of staying within my word limit we won’t split hairs over this, because let’s be honest, what’s the difference between a couple of thousand years?
The argument can be made that the one-piece bathing suit has been the most enduring symbol of social popularity ever since English Monks discovered barley wine in the 19th century. It has survived through two world wars, a plethora of political sex scandals, and such unspeakable trends like the mullet. For the past hundred years, the one-piece bathing suit has been a staple of global beaches, sharing the podium with the likes of sand and fat hairy men.
From an historical standpoint, the death of the one-piece bathing suit is both tragic and unfortunate. Over the last decade, it has been systematically replaced with bikinis, tankinis, and the eye-catching monokini. I suppose what they said was true, Generation X would be responsible for bankrupting our social security system and Generation Y would be responsible for bankrupting our social morals. Yet somehow from a fashion standpoint, the eradication of this trend has made less of a fuss than when Greenacres was taken off the air. Losing the one-piece would be like having all the world’s mosquitoes die off; we’d all take notice but none of us would really care. Not to mention we’d all be far more comfortable outside.
And so I am left with this quandary on my hands. A long-running trend meets its demise. The fashion world rejoices, and somewhere a group of old ladies hang up their trunks for the last time. I for one salute you, one-piece bathing suit. You had a good run.
